Maui for the faint of heart

My vision of Maui was a palm-tree studded island, sandy beaches lapped by calm waters, Mai Tais flowing from fountains. I pictured myself sitting on a beach beside my suddenly compliant, relaxed husband, four and a half days of toes in warm sand, good books on our laps, easy dips in a quiet sea.

 

Minus the waves, Ka'anapali Beach matched the vision.

But that was my fraidy-cat dream. This was my action-figure husband's and my 10^th anniversary trip, so I knew compromises were ahead.

Lucky for him, we found that Maui is a testosterone-addled extreme sports mecca. You can zipline over rainforests, bicycle down a volcano, take helicopter rides over as many islands as you care to see, learn to scuba, join a snorkeling trip, take up surfing, paddle a longboard, go charter fishing or parasail off the back of a motorboat.

Lucky for me, we were on a budget and had predetermined we would sign up for exactly two organized activities. After a hotel orientation our first morning on Maui, we decided on a snorkeling trip and a luau. (Only one of those activities sounds testosterone-addled, but the male dancers at that luau made dancing in grass skirts seem pretty extreme. It might have had something to do with the loincloths.)

One week home from our big adventure, I’m here to report that Maui is fabulous, perhaps even as friendly to fraidy-cats as to action figures.

Swimming with fishes
The thought of snorkeling gave me hives—literally. I kept thinking about the immensity of the Pacific Ocean and that it’s teeming with sharks and other mysteries. Plus snorkel tours go to the same places day after day … how could sharks and other nefarious sea creatures not treat them as smorgasbords?

We signed on for a morning snorkel tour to Molokini, a submerged crater and designated marine sanctuary 3 miles off the coast of Maui. Our guidebook (Maui Revealed, Wizard Publications, 2010) says visibility is usually 120 to 180 feet there (all the better to see oncoming sharks). It also says it’s so popular that a thousand snorkelers or more visit each day (excellent odds for me not getting Jaws-ed).

We set course at 7:30 our second morning on Maui, joined by at least 100 new friends on the Four Winds II, a power catamaran out of Ma'alaea. It took about an hour to get to Molokini, 10 miles away.



Molokini from the great wide wavy ocean

Here I offer my best advice: Dramamine. Only a few of us wished we had taken it, but oh, if I could have gone back in time! I am blessed with a strong stomach but cursed with wooziness. That means I get seasick and can’t hurl.

One of the deckhands, Bethany, encouraged me: “I’ll hold up a towel—no one will see!” “Barf over here—no one’s around. The fish will go crazy!” (A Chinese woman complied, and, sure enough, the fish cleaned up the situation with gusto.) She also suggested I visit the bar and request the seasick special—ice-cold ginger ale doctored with fresh ginger puree. It tasted fantastic and was a wee bit helpful.

Between seasickness and selachophobia, I was a less-than-enthusiastic snorkeler. As soon as our boat was moored at Molokini, my action figure and the rest of the bunch, probably ages 5 to 80, leaped into the bright blue water. I, a one-time lifeguard, stood on the ladder with a bright yellow flotation device wrapped around my middle. Finally a deckhand looked me up and down and asked, “Want a kickboard?”

Thus equipped, I jumped into the water and began paddling around. It was, in a word, gorgeous. Holding hands with my husband, I watched little schools of gray fish, bright yellow fish, bright yellow and black-patterned fish, iridescent fish that looked like rainbows and black fish. I saw coral in various colors and shapes, and sea urchins. It was like swimming in a giant aquarium. A very wavy aquarium.

Proof!

A fish like one we saw

Every now and then a bolt of terror would strike, and (as if I was everybody's lifeguard) I would scan the very clear blue water for sharks and their ilk. I never saw a one. (I had read that sharks like to sneak up on their prey and tend to attack in cloudy water. But come on! A couple hundred snorkelers in the same spot every day? I think they might make an exception.)

After lunch, barbecued by the crew at the back of the boat, the captain fired up the engines to take us back to Ma’alaea. Suddenly, after hours of staring at the land, trying not to be woozy, I felt fine—fine enough to eat the chicken burger, chips and shortbread cookies the sympathetic crew had saved for me, fine enough to check out the gentle-looking green sea turtles we motored past, fine enough to enjoy the sunlight sparkling off the waves, making the sea look like a sequined shirt worn by a dancing woman.

Bethany, my deckhand buddy, admonished me, "Next time, take your Dramamine." I will, Bethany. I will.

Or maybe I'll skip the boat altogether. A couple of days later, we rented snorkel gear at the hotel and swam off Kahekili Beach, just minutes south of our hotel. We saw coral and some fish similar to Molokini's, and my husband swam near some magnificent sea turtles. Not a shark in sight.

Menacing the pigs ... and others
The day after our snorkel tour, I celebrated my return to the top of the food chain at the Old Lahaina Luau. When we arrived, friendly Hawaiians placed leis around our necks and Mai Tais (at last, my Mai Tai!) in our hands and showed us to our table, which we promptly abandoned for the carnival-type atmosphere.

Sunset off Lahaina

Set against the sun setting over pink-dappled ocean waters, traditional craftsmen and women offered demonstrations and sold carvings, and a three-piece band played traditional Hawaiian music.

Getting decked out with flowers and luau spirit

Then, at precisely 5:50 (I swear “aloha time”—the islands’ purported casual attitude toward punctuality—is a myth), a couple of guys wearing what appeared to be towels dug up a pig from an underground oven. Grisly, yes, but dang it was tasty. (I still implausibly consider myself a lapsed vegetarian, especially averse to pork, so you know this had to be fabulous.)

One of the best arguments for giving up vegetarianism

After ordering more tropical drinks at the bar, including, of course, a Blue Hawai’i, we snaked through the long buffet, picking up Kalua Pua’a (pork), Laulau (pork wrapped in taro leaf), Ahi Poke (raw tuna), sweet potatoes, Mahimahi, Lomilomi Salmon (tomatoes, Maui onions and salted salmon), banana bread and probably a dozen dishes. We returned to our table and feasted while visiting with other couples, from Washington state, Pennsylvania and Illinois.

Hula at the luau

As our feeding frenzy slowed, the dancing, drumming and singing began. The grass skirts, the coconut bras (which, by the way, you can procure at Walmart in Kahului), the whole bit, worn by a mesmerizing troupe of women and men performing a variety of dances, some slow and thoughtful, others fast-paced and exciting, from an ancient dance telling a popular Hawaiian myth to a dance depicting the arrival of missionaries on the islands.

The whole luau—including watching a 3-year-old at a nearby table mimicking the dances—was lovely. And completely fraidy-cat friendly.

Checking out the neighborhood

We stayed on West Maui, north of Lahaina on Ka’anapali Beach, and explored our local area.

Hiking at ‘Iao Valley. A 45-minute drive from our hotel, this marked our furthest foray. Where the beach has a dry climate, the ‘Iao Valley is rainforest. The site of an 18^th-century massacre, today it is a lush, green place featuring the ‘Iao Needle, a rather phallic formation that bolts up out of the valley. The short hike through the park features an overlook of the plains below, which once grew taro and later sugar, a botanical garden growing bananas and papayas, and a rushing stream. Fraidy-cats welcome.

The 'Iao Needle (see what I mean?)

Walking the beaches. According to Maui Revealed, several of Maui's best beaches were minutes away from our hotel, the Aston Kaanapali Shores, and we spent a fair amount of time right there on Ka’anapali Beach. One evening as I sat reading on a lounge chair (living the dream), an enormous Hawaiian monk seal heaved itself out of the water and, sneezing, lurched up the beach nearby. Hotel security guards quickly cordoned off the area with knocked-over lawn chairs and yellow tape, explaining that this protected marine mammal needed its rest.

We also walked along Napili Beach, north of our hotel, but the real thrill there was eating at the Gazebo restaurant, overlooking Napili Bay. Banana white chocolate macadamia nut pancakes with coconut syrup. Heaven.

Exploring Makalua-puna Point above Kapalua Bay. Trying to reach Kapalua Beach north of Napili, we parked near a golf course and began walking along its edge toward the water. We ended up above the beach on cliffs at Makalua-puna Point, a sacred area with lava formations known as Dragon’s Teeth and a labyrinth, which the action figure and I both walked, one of us at twice the speed as the other.

Watching surfers from the cliffs above Honolua Bay. This was as close to truly extreme sports as we got. It was a beautiful drive north of Kapalua and a great show.

Doing a beach photo shoot.
Because it was our 10^th anniversary, I had thought it would be cool to get photos taken. Bill the photographer took hundreds of photos of us in the hotel’s garden area and along the beach as sunset approached. He warned us that we were going to get wet, and yes, the last few poses put us in the surf, getting our pockets (and other areas) filled with sand. It took several days to get sand-free, but we got some fun photos out of the deal.

Enduring a timeshare pitch. Why would we waste two Maui hours with a sales pitch? Long story short: When we booked our snorkel trip and luau through the Expedia Local Expert desk, the rep offered us a $100 discount for showing up for a timeshare presentation. Because my husband is a numbers guy, he figured we could take two hours to finance half our Molokini snorkel trip. (It was relatively painless ... and no, we are not now the proud owners of a Hawaiian timeshare.)

Getting there
We flew Hawaiian Airlines direct from Portland to Kahului Airport on Maui. We had good flights, but I didn’t get a big aloha vibe from the crew. (The passionfruit-guava juice was scrumptious though.)

Staying there
We stayed at the Aston Kaanapali Shores, a little north of Lahaina, in a one-bedroom partial oceanview room with a full kitchen. The luxuriant grounds included a garden pool and a beachside pool. It was perfect for us.

Aston Kaanapali Shores from the garden pool area

Sunrise from our balcony

Eating there
In addition to the luau, we ate out exactly once (at the Gazebo). After landing at Kahului and picking up our car, we stopped at Walmart in Kahului for staples and specialties, including guava jelly, Hawaiian shortbread cookies, Huli Huli sauce (a gingery soy sauce marinade) and Sam Choy's Creamy Oriental Dressing. (On our way back to the airport, we stopped in for more of the latter three items to bring home. So good!)

We later hit Safeway in Lahaina, a fish market near our hotel for just-caught ahi tuna and a roadside stand for super-fresh produce—rambutan, pineapple and papaya. Maybe it all tasted so good because my husband was on kitchen duty. Thanks, dear! 

Rambutan -- it's what's inside that counts